Rachel's TMI Post

[rkold]

At this rate, I will have more posts in December than November, go me!

People keep asking me about how things are going, I'm never sure if they really want to know or if they are just being polite. lol On the happy side, I can sort of use my left hand now, I got to see most of my cousins over the last 2 weeks, and I've been watching a lot of Trek along with a few documentaries. I watched Beer Wars, which was fascinating despite the fact I don't drink beer and Life After Tomorrow about women who were formerly in Annie.

In 2 months of life outside the womb Adina has been to: a baby naming (the Rabbi's twin sons), an after party for a wedding (For friends of ours who live in Austria), and has now been to a funeral (The grandmother my cousins and I don't have in common. She was 97 and had a long good life, no one cried, we went to let our uncle know we were thinking of him.)

She's also now 8lbs 11oz and 22 inches. Everyone who sees her tells me how beautiful she is and squees.



Things have been tough at times since Adina has been born. I've had some post-partum depression episodes where I just felt completely miserable and couldn't stop crying. Most of them had to do with my milk production, lack of sleep, or not holding the baby enough. Yes, I find I need to hold the baby a certain amount each day to feel OK.

Good new is, we are getting better at nursing. Adina can suck for 10+ minutes and swallow and I have a lot less pain. I've only been using the right side for nursing, since the left side tends to be a disaster and much more painful. Ironically, the left side also produces about 1/3 more milk than the right. I'm hoping that letting her nurse on the right will increase milk production there.

I get very depressed when my milk production slacks off. It makes me worry we will have to supplement with formula. It's not that formula is necessarily bad, but I don't want to use it. It does not help that formula gets recalled on a semi-regular basis. It also smells worse than breast milk and particularly smells worse when she spits it up. I also feel like a cow when I pump sometimes, and if I don't pump enough my boobs become hard and painful and I leak lots and lots of milk. It is not fun. I have tried nipple shields for leakage and they irritate my nipples. On average I'm now producing about 4-5 oz every time I pump. It makes me really happy and I'm very impressed. Just 2 weeks ago it was more like 3-4 oz. I try to pump every time we feed the baby so that there is always something stored in the fridge or freezer. I've gotten use to getting up around 3 or 4 am, and I watch Next Generation with my husband which makes it a lot better.

I'm also suffering from constipation. It's infamous as a problem for pregnant women but I didn't get it until post-partum. I know part of my problem is I've been eating chocolate every day. I'm now trying to make chocolate a sometimes food and cut back to 3x a week and I'm also trying to drink a lot more water in hopes that this will help.

And in more unfun news I have tendinitis of the left hand, yes, it's official. I'm also in danger of developing it on the right side. It makes it really hard to lift my baby or nurse or even use my hands. From Friday until Monday my left hand was pretty much un-useable and even now I need to watch things. Just putting my hair back in a ponytail was excruciatingly painful. I was given a cortisone shot on Friday and it HURT!!! I'm sure it did not make things much better. I screamed quite a bit on getting the shot and the doctors and nurses kept saying to me "Didn't you just have a baby 2 months ago" and honestly, the shot hurt more! Yes, I know everyone says labor is awful, blah blah blah but seriously, for me it was just not that bad. I've had worse period cramps. It does help that she was tiny, but I think my mind set also helped. I hope I never need a shot in my hand or wrist again.

And finally, despite what people say about breastfeeding helping you lose weight, that is so not happening for me. I've not lost an ounce. I'm still hugely fat from pregnancy and I hate having this huge paunchy belly I never had before pregnancy. But if I don't eat enough fat, then I make a lot less milk. I'm hoping when she is on solid food combined with milk, I can work harder to lose weight. I'm also planning to join a walking group at the mall one I can drive again. It's just hard and depressing and I need some new clothes but I am sad about being huge. My husband still thinks I am sexy, but I don't feel sexy or pretty. It's funny, I felt prettier when I was pregnant.

Comments

[rkold.livejournal.com]

I'm going in for another check up but not necessarily another shot, I'm in a slightly different situation than someone who gets tendinitis from another cause, as in 95% of cases this issue clears up on its own. My cousin had it earlier, didn't get a shot and it eventually went away. I have a lot less pain now. I can actually type with both hands! I can also hold the baby more and finally put up my hair. But if I use the wrong position or do the wrong thing, it does give me twinges. Each day is a little better than the last so I am hoping tomorrow or Friday to be able to drive again. I just want to go to the grocery to buy cake flour!

And thanks, I'm hoping things go better too, it could be a lot worse and at least I don't usually feel exhausted now until 10! :D

[wingedgoddess.livejournal.com]

I hope your breastfeeding woes clear up -- it was very sad for me that I couldn't breastfeed my kids (tl;dr: reduction surgery means I don't produce enough to feed a baby). It sounds like you're starting to do better. It seems like you're producing more as she's starting to need more.

As for weight loss, take it slow. Your body is still healing, and if you push it too much, you could really hurt yourself. Joining a walking group sounds like a great idea, but if you get tired, please rest!

I don't know if I've commented to say this yet or not, but your baby is adorable!

[rkold.livejournal.com]

I do make enough milk to keep up with her, it's just if I ever get 1 or 2 low outputs when I pump I start getting very upset. This generally happens every few days to a week but then I start making more again. We do have some stocked up in the freezer. I think I just stress myself out. As for actually getting her on the boob, it's a combination of her not swallowing and my slightly inverted and wonky nipples. She's gotten better at swallowing though and all my pumping has helped my nipples some. A family friend also couldn't breastfeed because of reduction surgery.

It's just depressing when I see my huge paunchy belly. I was never thin by any means, but not plump like this. I'm not in danger of over exercising since I hear it can affect your milk, and right now making milk is a top priority. I might work to exercise more once she is on solid foods, since she won't just be dependent on me then.

And thank you!!! I now know how lucky you are to have two beautiful children. And I do read all your posts even if I don't respond, as I'm sure you know, sometimes you just run out of time with kids.

[isachi.livejournal.com]

:( :( :( *hugs*

[rkold.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[aboutallmydolls.livejournal.com]

dear Rachel - sounds rough - yet you are managing and managing quite well indeed. The essentials are all covered. February/March would be soon enough to gradually shift whatever weight around you want to shift around - all the fatigue is normal and wanting to hold Adina a lot is very maternal! You are a good mother! ofc! OK, can you lay off the chocolate? some? Over here I am having way too much egg nog - just plain - but still it's too much, yet I do enjoy it. So yes some chocolate is key I suppose. Reminds me I have even been buying fudge (and then eating it) please don't be too hard on yourself. You are still in the 4th trimester.

It only seems natural to me that when pumping yields a smaller amount than you usually expect or get, it would be something to be bummed out about - totally reasonable & natural reaction - and it would be stressful of course. Looking at the supply (however much there is) in the freezer is gratifying (I recall) and then when any gets wasted (say when mom is away for a bit, it's thawed and then not consumed...) - a sad sight to see - since it takes a lot of effort to get it! That shot sounds truly awful and I think health care professionals like to tell mothers they can take whatever because they have had a baby - it's not the same thing.

[rkold.livejournal.com]

I don't know what I would do if we had to thaw my milk and then not use it. I would be so so so so unhappy. As it is, I get upset when Kennis tosses out those unfinished 1/2 and ounce or less. I feel like he can't completely appreciate what it means to make it and it's funny how attached I get to it. It's so precious because it feeds my baby. I love having some int he freezer. Recently, I've been making more so we froze 2 or 3 new vials.

I have to lay off the chocolate it's just hard. I couldn't really eat a lot of dessert when I was pregnant so now I am sort of indulging. I made gingerbread though and tomorrow hope to make lemon or lime cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. I'm also debating banana bread. I adore fudge lol I bought some over the summer. I use to make it in college.

BTW if you send me your mailing addy, I'd love to send you an announcement when I start working on sending more out again. >>;

[twotone]

*hugs*

I'm sorry about the rough time you're having. I'm sure the tendinitis and constipation aren't helping the post-partum situation at all... everything feels so much worse when you're physically unwell. :(

I hope you continue improving (would yogurt help, or is Jamie Lee Curtis aka "the Activia lady" lying to us all?) and that you feel better soon. There is plenty of time for you to heal (and for Adina to move on to solids), and *then* you can worry about weight loss.

I appear to have lost my "Pan hugging Chester" LJ icon, so please enjoy a picture of soap instead. *hugs*

[rkold.livejournal.com]

I think that is the one reason I paid for my LJ account again, I don't want to lose my icons or my ability to edit my comments. >>; *hugs*

Actually, I often eat yogurt for breakfast. I don't know if it is helping, except in it is high in protein and calcium and that is good for my milk?

Things are on a slowly positive trajectory, my hands are doing better... now if I could just get rid of my constipation life would be lovely.

[twotone]

*cough*

So, uh, I thought I was just joking about Jamie Lee Curtis/Activia lying about the whole 'helps you stay regular' thing...

Dannon's Activia Claims draw $21M fine: "The government says Dannon will stop claiming that one daily serving of Activia yogurt relieves irregularity and that DanActive helps people avoid catching colds."

I hope you feel better soon.

[dilettantka.livejournal.com]

Of course I genuinely care :/ I hope your tendinitis will get better soon. Do you need to get a brace for that or will it just improve if you don't use it as much?

Please cheer up!! I'm sure you look fine, and once you can be more active again you'll lose any extra weight you might have put on.

[rkold.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel put upon *hugs* I just get a lot of people asking me how I am (like synagogue people and family friends, and I never know how much they really want to hear.) The tendinitis is doing a lot better slowly. I can use my left hand now, but I have to be careful and it gets twingey. It's supposed to just improve as she gets older and eventually walks.

I'm doing better, but it is very hard physically. I think it doesn't help that none of my clothes are terribly flattering and just make me look fatter. ~.~ It's funny, I'm not so much fatter now than I was at my fattest non-pregnancy, the weight is just not distributed in a way I am comfortable with. :/

[blacktempest.livejournal.com]

Of course we generally want to know how things are going! *big hugs* I'm sorry I don't have anything constructive to add, but don't worry about your weight right now. You'll have plenty of time later. I'm sorry you're feeling low right now but you'll get through all this.

And I got your birth announcement in the mail recently thank you! It's so sweet, I have it placed up on my desk and see it every day :)

[rkold.livejournal.com]

*hugs* That's OK sometimes it just feels good to be able to complain about things.

I'm so glad you got the announcement! I have to post pictures of her because she looks so much bigger now. I think that is the most amazing thing, just seeing how she grows and changes.

[ad-exia.livejournal.com]

All I can do is echo other people here... you really are doing all right, and your body is still adjusting (though I understand how frustrating it must be). Just remember to take care of yourself, it's important too! <3