On small children and pets

[rkold]

I want to preface this rant by saying I like children, even small children. I also am a pet owner and adore my cats. Anyone who knows me, knows that Cookie and Basil mean the world to me. So this rant is not a diatribe about pet ownership or having children, this is about being responsible and respectful of other people.

As usual Passover has been a huge mess. My parents have kept with family tradition and managed to have a huge fight. One of the issues, was the surprise invitation of the small children of a close friend of my father's. Said children are 4 and 6 respectively. The older one, tends to behave while the younger one does not. My parents have no grandchildren and their youngest child is older than many people who read my LJ lol Their house is not even close to being childproof an it currently has 8+ inches of water in the basement because something has gone horribly wrong.

My father's perspective was that if you invite his friend since she has young children of course said children are invited.

And my perspective, is young children, like pets or any dietary restrictions are something that must be warned about BEFORE you show up at a house unless you know said house will be accepting of said issues in advance. If you know someone runs a home day care for toddlers than yeah, they can probably deal with your kid, just like if they have a child close to the same age as your child, their house has probably already been child-proofed.

I've had someone show up at my house and then become upset because I would not let her tiny dog into my house. They did not warn me ahead of time and just assumed since they adored their dog and their dog was so good that of course it could just come to my house. The problem with this, I own cats. I own cats that are terrified of any and all dogs and most other cats as well and I was not going to put my cats out just because someone was being rude and had not asked ahead of time if it was OK to bring her dog.

Small children are no different. If they're under 3 months old, one can make the strong assumption the mother is likely to bring them, just because if they are nursing it is sort of hard not to bring them with you somewhere. However between newborn and even up to 1 year, most kids can be put in a playpen and will stay where you put them to some extent. Toddlers and children under 5 need child proofing. They need constant supervision. Just looking at my house I have, perfumes that smell wonderful but I am sure are not wonderful to taste in an easy to open cabinet under my TV, lots of cleaning products in easy reach of small children and not locked away and many many expensive dolls that are very tempting.

And again, it is like another issue near and dear to my heart, being a vegetarian. As a vegetarian, unless I know the other people I am visiting are also vegetarian. I owe it to my host/hostess to warn them about my dietary restrictions when I am first invited and to allow my host/hostess the chance to back out. However, if they accept our company, they owe us something we can actually eat.

In the end, I guess I think people need to be responsible and take responsibility. It's not about not valuing choices, it's about being respectful of others as well.

Comments

[rkold.livejournal.com]

Yes, I definitely agree about smokers as well! I hadn't even thought of them since I just don't know that many smokers any more and I don't usually have to deal with any except in Japan. ^^;; In Japan it is frustrating but I feel like a cultural imperialist to insist that people not smoke, though it does make the vegetarian restaurants a treat.

I don't know what the problem is, we suggested that but they are not looking into it. They never had a flooding issue like this before, just occasional (1 every few years) but this has been like 9 days straight.

Yeah but at least with say a 9 year old, if they're well behaved you don't have to worry about them deciding to try to drink your XCDL13 or to ingest some other poison. It's still a matter of good parenting so that kids know they can't touch everything, but they're just not likely to do the same unknowingly self-destructive things a 4 year old does.

And yes, someone was shocked and ticked off that I would not let her dog in my house because how could I not since their dog was so wonderful. She brings her dog with her EVERYWHERE. I adore my cats, but I also know it is rude to take them everywhere. Many people are allergic.

[lbmango.livejournal.com]

I was about to say. I know people who can't be in the same room that a cat has been in in the last 5 years. same with dogs... people who say "But my dog is so awesome, how can you not let intinto your house" are not just rude, they're morons.

Also: My icon tells the whole story...

[sailorstarsun.livejournal.com]

Wow. I mean, I adore my dog above all else, but I would never dream of just bringing her over to someone's house without asking if it were ok first. That's pretty rude.

[spazzygirl19.livejournal.com]

It's so unfortunate that while many people are nice & polite - that there are the few that are rude, clueless, etc.

IMHO I totally believe it is the *parent(s)* responsibility to look after their children & make sure they behave at someone else's house. And if you didn't invite said children (esp. young ones) -- I would not have had a problem 'saying' something. I would rather be rude than having a child accidentally ruin or ingest something.

Something sorta related today on the news - some 'activists' want McDonald's to get rid of Ronald McDonald as a mascot because he makes children want to eat bad fast food. Uh ... how about *the parents* controlling what food choices children do or do not eat instead?

[spazzygirl19.livejournal.com]

Oh ... and if the Parisians can curb their smoking ... the Japanese should be able to do it too! I couldn't believe my visit in 2008 ... smoke-free environments ... in Paris! ^_^

[bramblyhedge.livejournal.com]

OMG. I'm remembering the devastation my two nephews could cause when they were 4 and 6. Especially in the kitchen, within 5 minutes it looked like a typhoon hit it. Now that they're 6 and 8 they're a little better behaved, but not much. ^_^;;;

I own cats that are terrified of any and all dogs and most other cats as well

Heh. Pets, gotta love 'em. :) My 2nd dog once got beat up by a passing neighborhood cat. *lol*
It's fine just to tie the dog outside the house. I used to do that all the time with both my dogs. Anyone who gets upset about that has some weird co-dependent issues or something. ^_^;;;

Also, if you were nice and sensible enough to warn in advance you don't eat meat, then the host has no excuse to not provide vege options.

[rkold.livejournal.com]

They keep having the fire department over and I think have had the plumber come by several times. They claim there is no sewer line at that place in the house and the sewer line is elsewhere, but it sounds like something has to be wrong.

I guess either I know better behaved 9 year olds or better parents or a good combination of the two. Now, I know many that would ask if they could try it on, but drink it... no.

And no, I don't think she can. I think she says her dog is an emotional support or something. I am trying not to say too much about her since I expect to see her again in the near future. She no longer lives in NY though and has actually moved to Northern CA.

I've not been to China or the Middle East, but the no-smoking aspect in Japan is very very slow going. There are a few smoke-free places (nearly all vegetarian restaurants are) but there just is a lot more smoking there than I personally see here and a lot of restaurants have a long way to go, as non-smoking sections rarely have any separation from smoking sections at restaurants. I can say things have improved somewhat on trains since there are fewer smoking cars, though instead people light up between cars more now. ~.~

[rkold.livejournal.com]

I believe the woman in question claims her dog is an emotional support dog, and she needs her dog to be able to carry on with life like a normal person, or something and who doesn't love her tiny little dog.

I don't know if cat owners are just more attuned to the fact that many people are allergic to their beloved pets or cats just don't like to travel as much, but cat owners seem less likely to try to force their pets on others.

[rkold.livejournal.com]

It's not about whether you like your pet or not it is about being responsible and not expecting that everyone is just like you or thinking whatever your weird quirks are take precedence over everyone else.

We're not even talking about a public space issue, this is my private residence I own.

I think she sees her dog as an emotional support and doesn't think anyone should interfere with her right and need to bring said dog anywhere, which I think is a bit ridiculous.

[rkold.livejournal.com]

Personally, I find Ronald McDonald kind of creepy, but then I think clowns are sort of creepy in general. Unless your kid is walking or bicycling to McDonald's, in which case they're out exercising first, parents are the ones driving them there and it is parents who are responsible for their eating there. Growing up we went out to eat once a week for either pizza/fast food/Chinese/Indian and it made it actually a huge treat. Now parents who complain about McDonald's inside of schools I think have a good point.

I just don't think there should be an expectation that if you invite a parent with a child over the age of 1 that their kid was invited either and I think when bringing a child you need to be responsible and warn. If I was planning to have someone visit me with small kids I would make sure to also remove some of the tempting but dangerous easily accessible things. Though yes, a parent also has a responsibility to know what their kid is up to.

And I don't know, the Parisians never seemed as bad to me as the Japanese when it came to smoking.

[rkold.livejournal.com]

I think it really depends on the kids and what the rules are that their parents set down. My cousin has 3 kids ranging in age from 6-13 and her kids were taught manners and to be responsible and the two older girls I would even trust around my expensive dolls.

Yeah outdoor cats can be sort of tough lol My mom's prior cat use to beat up some of the neighboring dogs.

I think she did have a co-dependent issue actually as I believe she saw the dog as an emotional support dog. She never would have considered tying up her dog outside.

Mostly it has not been too big an issue. But it is something I always do in advance to help prevent it from becoming one. The biggest problem I've had is people who feel they need to serve meat because it is a Jewish festival but still insist they want us as guests. They always have something but it's often not very appetizing lol And I have had a few problems at Japanese events. On the Kobe cruise I went on, all I could eat was the cake. ^_^;;;;

BTW I got your letter!!!! Thank you!!!!!! *hugs*

[rkold.livejournal.com]

NY banned smoking in restaurants a long time ago and so to the most of my recollection when we still had smoking here at least the smoking and non-smoking sections they use to try to separate a bit more. (Like one side of the restaurant would be smoking and the other side would be non-smoking) Or there would be some sort of physical barrier between the two sides. Many restaurants in Japan follow neither practice and the tables are literally right next to one another.

Though again, when possible now I tend to eat at my vegetarian only restaurants in Japan, and they tend to have no smoking policies for the entire restaurant.